appreciating appreciation...never believe it can't get worse

Dear Audy,

I'm a one handed bandit on the keyboard today. The going is slow.

Last night I had a horrible attack of burning pain...right through my body. It's calmer today but feel like my left arm got mushed in a giant ironing press (giant things=scarier). Constant pain, more if I move it. I still have weeks before I get the second lot of test results for rheumatoid arthritis...but all I know if is that's what this is then it sure burns like RSD. I'd describe the pain as unbearable, except that that description never made sense to me...quite obviously if I'm not dead then I'm bearing it...but my face flinches a lot.

I can't explain how frustrating it is to be attacked from the inside...and as frustrating as it is to be misunderstood, for your sake I really hope that you don't get it, Audy.

I am going to continue to keep calm and distract myself in any way I can...yesterday I spent a couple of hours painting on my lap with my watercolour pencils, they are the easiest medium to control with minimal wrist movement.

I'm working on a self portrait, most likely destined to be a profile pic...I figure if I practise drawing me then I won't insult anyone with an ugly painting! This is the first watercolour I've built without sketching...aim is to be semi-realistic but with the alterations that happen once Rella gets a hold of an image...she likes things to be pretty and frankly I don't have a problem with that.

Wanna guess what's going to go on my head? Go on, guess, it will amuse me...actuallly I think I sent you the picture in an earlier letter...

Love & Hoping for Respite,

Caf

P.S. Thank you dearly for your letters, they are very comforting...I will try to reply as soon as I can but please understand when it takes a while...and don't forget to leave a return address!