this vampiric world, steals sanity

Dear Audy,

I am beaten more than the scrambliest of scrambled eggs. I'm pretty sure I must have been evil in a past life. Incredibly evil and I am being punished. This feels like punishment.

I write to you, Audy, from the 'comfort' of my couch and travel neck pillow. I am wearing a travel neck pillow because I have a dislocated jaw. Yep, my face is falling off. Woo. Hoo. Last Sunday I committed the sinful act of cereal consumption and was daring enough to throw in a little chewing. It seems a little was all it took. Kind of like GHB. Or Chilli. Or Uranium. I spent the night at the emergency room with a doctor's thumbs in my mouth. Yee. Hah.

The best part is that there are no comfortable lying down positions! I only do reclining. Gotta love reclining. Oh, and straws.

If that weren't enough, Audy, my stupid hip and knee still haven't recovered from being dug around in and are challenging each other to inflaming contests. The knee is winning.

And it's not like I get to stop having RSD while all this is going on....

I think someone out there must be holding flames to a little voodoo Caf.

I've been studying a lot recently, Audy, off-campus. I'm planning to finish my degree in Psychology. The study has really helped take my mind off my pain and keep me focused on something productive. The universe is not helping. The university is not helping either. They failed to process my application on time leaving me struggling to catch up after finally starting a month late. So, I studied. A lot. It turned out when I got all my study material that I had to do a weekend on-campus. That was cool, I could swing that without being able to walk. The disability centre even offered to lend me a scooter so I could get around. That was helpful. They never actually confirmed it, though and now that isn't happening. That was not helpful. It doesn't actually matter though, because the weekend isn't happening either. Not for me. Now I can neither walk, nor talk, nor really think once you add up all the medication, and I have to go this weekend. Or I can't pass.

Woo. Hoo.

I'd be surprised at their lack of options for people with disabilities but it doesn't matter to them how many years it takes me to finish my degree. That doesn't effect how much they get paid.

Once again, my body thwarts my attempts to build a life.

I never intended this to be a whiny blog, but I never intended on a lot of these things so...boo. I'm posting this picture of me to remind me that I did have a life once. It was pretty good. I had legs that worked and I loved hiking and camping. In this picture I am a fairy princess, you can tell by my crown. Look at me, I'm outside, standing up. I'm all sleepy cause it's really early and I had to be up early to twirl my magic. The air was crisp and fresh and breathing it in, I couldn't help but feel like things were all gonna turn out OK in the end.

I gotta keep hoping they still will.....

Love & Sighs,

Caf